We had another court date today. It got a little tense during the middle. The State, which is CPS, stated that they would like a concurrent plan, that means 2 plans at once, one to reunify the family, and one to severe and adopt. At first, the children's attorney concurred, but then he changed his recomendation to severance and adoption, stating that the CASA would have more to say. Mother's attorney stated that she is complying with the case plan. Father's attorney requested a Supplemental Permanency Hearing since Father is incarcerated until Thanksgiving. CASA then stated that MrBrawn has an unusual fetish with his penis and recommends the services of a Master Counselor. At that point we had some discussion about the behaviors and I informed the judge about the doctor appointment a few weeks back and what had occurred. Infant and Child Development Department brought to attention that MrMonkey is already 2 years old so we need to make a final decision soon according to law. There will be a trial for the parents of the other child in this case, who does not live with us, the beginning of November. We go back to court on November 30th, exactly one year after placement.
At that point, MrMonkey will have lived with us for 44% of his life! MrBrawn will have been with us for 21% of his life. 21% of my life, would be nearly 7 years! This can not be healthy for these babies.
As we've said each time, we'll just keep loving them and giving them a good foundation, and see what happens.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
The rambling in my brain
I went to a Confidentiality Training last Saturday as it pertains to Foster Care. It was basically as waste of my time since the speaker was not really prepared for a bunch of strong willed foster parents with lots of questions. The only thing I learned was that if I break the law it will cost me a lot of money and maybe some time in jail. But, is this a form of breaching confidentiality? Have I given any confidential information to you? Would you know be able to identify the Case Plan? Would you be able to identify the biological family? Or the children themselves if you did not see them with me? I believe that I am protecting my children's confidential information while still sharing this extremely emotional journey. Though, the lady tried to tell me that I cannot even give a specific court date, such as "pray for me on the 18th because we're going to court". Personally, I think she's a bit carried away. So what if I'm going to court that day? So what if I tell you? If you know that I am a foster parent, then you know that I go to court. Most foster parents have more than one placement at a time, and I am not identifying which placement or why I am going to court. So, please pray for me, because we're going to court the middle of next week. Is that good enough? :)
We've had another roller coaster month. Since we do have court at the end of the month, all of the grown ups in charge of the kids have to see them within 30 days of the court date. Of course, with all those interviews, which I have to speak for the children during, the whole history of the case is reviewed. I realized last week that I have been holding some very hard feelings against the biological family and I need to forgive them. I've prayed about it a lot, but I don't think I've successfully forgiven them yet.
I heard through the grapevine, you know those other people bound to confidentiality laws, that the court case is ongoing for older brother. I now understand why kids in the foster care system are there for so long. Court is nearly always scheduled for 3 months out and never are decisions made quickly. While it seems like it would be best, this is not a decision to be made quickly or lightly. If the decision to place them back into the home of the biological family is made too rapidly, there is a chance of putting the children into danger. If the decision to sever them from family is made too quickly the children may lose the chance to live with their family despite their parents straightening their life out.
I feel so torn. I know these children's parents love them. I also know that there is a history of at least one parent having been a foster child them self. I am sure that neither parent was given great foundation for raising children well.
On the other hand, I feel that the parents are very selfish and self-centered. We rarely receive phone calls, though they have unlimited permission to call (though the children have to be on speaker phone for supervision purposes, a common practice in foster care). If my children were in care you can bet your bottom dollar I would call everyday! Or at the very least, every other day. When they do call I coach the children on sharing what they are doing, but it is hard to keep them caught up on the daily lives of active children without consistent communication. How is that preparing for having them back in their home?
These babies are growing so quickly, and they are missing it! I am so blessed to see these children growing and blossoming.
MrMonkey who knew less than 8 words at placement now speaks in complete sentences, and even paragraphs! He's at the top of his 2 year old class. He's nearly doubled in height, though his weight has stayed about the same. He finally is mostly free of a constantly runny nose. He knows nearly every color in the rainbow and loves to impart his knowledge.
MrBrawn, oh what progress he's shown! Remember, the F bomb being dropped every third word? The complete lack of understanding when he was disciplined? No knowledge that a dirty diaper was gross and unacceptable for a big boy? Virtually no knowledge of letters, numbers, shapes, colors? Well, he now is so well behaved (most of the time) that he asked me, "Mama, may I get into these things?" (He was talking about my office supplies, highlighters, scissors, etc.) He knows how to count to twenty and is beginning to identify the actual numeral. He can correctly identify all of the letters of the alphabet, and he knows all his shapes and colors. He is learning to write his name and has begun Jui Juitsu class.
I try not to let my Mama Bear brain get going when I think about these kids. What if they go back? Will they lose all this progress? Will MrMonkey be taken off his medication and go back to being a sickly child? Will it become acceptable to use every 4 letter word known to man? Will they be hurt? Abused? Neglected? And if they go back into care, it is nearly guaranteed they will not come back to our home.
Once again, I need to give it to the Lord, and rest in the knowledge that these are His babies first and foremost. I'd love to hear what any of you readers has to say.
We've had another roller coaster month. Since we do have court at the end of the month, all of the grown ups in charge of the kids have to see them within 30 days of the court date. Of course, with all those interviews, which I have to speak for the children during, the whole history of the case is reviewed. I realized last week that I have been holding some very hard feelings against the biological family and I need to forgive them. I've prayed about it a lot, but I don't think I've successfully forgiven them yet.
I heard through the grapevine, you know those other people bound to confidentiality laws, that the court case is ongoing for older brother. I now understand why kids in the foster care system are there for so long. Court is nearly always scheduled for 3 months out and never are decisions made quickly. While it seems like it would be best, this is not a decision to be made quickly or lightly. If the decision to place them back into the home of the biological family is made too rapidly, there is a chance of putting the children into danger. If the decision to sever them from family is made too quickly the children may lose the chance to live with their family despite their parents straightening their life out.
I feel so torn. I know these children's parents love them. I also know that there is a history of at least one parent having been a foster child them self. I am sure that neither parent was given great foundation for raising children well.
On the other hand, I feel that the parents are very selfish and self-centered. We rarely receive phone calls, though they have unlimited permission to call (though the children have to be on speaker phone for supervision purposes, a common practice in foster care). If my children were in care you can bet your bottom dollar I would call everyday! Or at the very least, every other day. When they do call I coach the children on sharing what they are doing, but it is hard to keep them caught up on the daily lives of active children without consistent communication. How is that preparing for having them back in their home?
These babies are growing so quickly, and they are missing it! I am so blessed to see these children growing and blossoming.
MrMonkey who knew less than 8 words at placement now speaks in complete sentences, and even paragraphs! He's at the top of his 2 year old class. He's nearly doubled in height, though his weight has stayed about the same. He finally is mostly free of a constantly runny nose. He knows nearly every color in the rainbow and loves to impart his knowledge.
MrBrawn, oh what progress he's shown! Remember, the F bomb being dropped every third word? The complete lack of understanding when he was disciplined? No knowledge that a dirty diaper was gross and unacceptable for a big boy? Virtually no knowledge of letters, numbers, shapes, colors? Well, he now is so well behaved (most of the time) that he asked me, "Mama, may I get into these things?" (He was talking about my office supplies, highlighters, scissors, etc.) He knows how to count to twenty and is beginning to identify the actual numeral. He can correctly identify all of the letters of the alphabet, and he knows all his shapes and colors. He is learning to write his name and has begun Jui Juitsu class.
I try not to let my Mama Bear brain get going when I think about these kids. What if they go back? Will they lose all this progress? Will MrMonkey be taken off his medication and go back to being a sickly child? Will it become acceptable to use every 4 letter word known to man? Will they be hurt? Abused? Neglected? And if they go back into care, it is nearly guaranteed they will not come back to our home.
Once again, I need to give it to the Lord, and rest in the knowledge that these are His babies first and foremost. I'd love to hear what any of you readers has to say.
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