What an interesting week...

On Thursday Mr. Brawn "ran away". He was found by a stranger walking on the rock by the church. He says that he was looking for red and black rocks. I can completely see that he would be absorbed in an activity that he would walk into and down the road.
Later that same evening he purposely disappeared. He hid in the playground area. When we found him I told him I'd looked for him and he said, "I answered you like this (very softly) 'I'm right here, I'm coming.'"
Needless to say, there will be more supervision for him.
On Saturday we added a puppy to our household. Mr Brawn is helpful with him, but not exceptionally interested in the pup. Mr Monkey is downright mean. He's dropped him, thrown him, and chased him. I also imagine that this is age appropriate for a 2 year old.
Sunday was Easter. The boys were happy to go to church, they have become quite comfortable there. We had a fundraiser breakfast for the missions team. When we walked into the Fellowship Hall Mr Monkey saw his Sunday School Teacher. He got my attention and using gestures to point her out exclaimed "Mommy, teacher, Mommy teacher!"
We had an excellent breakfast and then told the kids it was time to go to the nursery. Mr Monkey joyfully sang out "JESUS!" and then ran ahead of us the whole way there.
It warms my heart to see such growth. I've also noticed that Mr Brawn is getting very vocal with his prayers. He talks about everything that is important in his life at that very moment. This evening as he prayed for dinner he mentioned allowing him to go to the Library for his visit. [Tomorrow is another scheduled parent visit] Tonight he told Jesus about making good choices keeping him from getting time outs.
What wonderful growth! This child was dropping the F*bomb every third word when he came to us.

Sunday evening Hubby and I had quite a discussion. I have noticed that he has distanced himself from family activities. I confronted him about it and, in a lot more words, he told me that he resents the boys because they use up time and resources that he could be spending on our biological daughter. He feels that we bought this house and took the pay cuts BECAUSE of them. He resents that there are behavior issues. He resents not being able to discipline in a way that is proven with our biological child. He is sad because we only have one biological child.
Personally, I think that God has guided each footstep, though it is hard to remember in the midst of hard times. We are having a hard time getting the house in the condition that we desire it to be in. I'm having a hard time getting things unpacked. But, my health is already improving. I suppose it will only be time that will show us what is in store.

Angry kid?

The boys came home from their parent visit today as usual. I was saying goodbye to their transportation driver and making sure Mr Monkey was out of the way when Ms. Brains came running to me. "Mommy, come and see!"

As I rounded the corner I saw Mr. Brawn spreading sand on top of sand in the courtyard. I asked what was going on. Ms. Brains proceeded to tell me the "He pooped on the yard." I asked if it was true and he ran to the other side of the yard. I bravely edged the sand aside with my flip-flop.... yep, there was fresh doo-doo in the sand.

I asked him what in the world he was thinking. He told me he had to go. I told him that didn't make sense since the front door was standing wide open and he normally just goes in to go by himself. He could not give me an answer, even later this evening.

The only thing I can come up with is that he is angry. He could be angry at a lot of things, me, his parents, the situation, preschool, etc. and since he doesn't have a lot of vocabulary to talk about it, he shows it.

FCRB

We had our first experience with a Foster Care Review Board this week. It was interesting. Everyone that has something to do with the case sits around a table with a panel of people representing the judge. This panel is considered "the judge's eyes and ears". Unfortunately, the CPS case manager was not able to attend because of overbooking; and the Bio Mom was also not in attendance. Bio Mom told me that she did not know of the meeting. Things discussed were the kids' progress, and if parents were following the case plan. No one was there to talk about the parent's case plan. We talked about the health issues that we faced with Mr. Monkey when he first came into our home and his progress since the allergy testing. We also talked about the developmental delays that Mr. Brawn had when he came into care and his substantial progress. Mr. Brawn loves to show off his knowledge. He is also working hard to be completely potty trained. He is so proud to wear Big Boy Underwear! Of course, Mr. Monkey wants in on the action, so he has been trying, and even went poo-poo in the potty the other night! Tomorrow Mr. Brawn will undergo the skin-prick test. We decided that since Mr. Monkey has so many environmental allergy triggers we should see what how his brother tests. We've also got Mr. Brawn signed up for Head Start beginning in the fall. Currently he is attending a preschool program at a local daycare and is excelling. Mr. Monkey was moved up into the 2 Year Old class this week, since he is now a Big 2. His teacher told me yesterday that she is impressed because he is able to count to 10 and is so articulate. It's a funny thing about kids, give them some stability, and they will sure grow!

Tomorrow is the Foster Care Review Board

Well, The Monkey has been tested. On a scale of 1-4, 4 being the worst, he is #1 allergic to about 15 environmental things, including mold, grass, trees, and nearly all animals. Because of this he has been prescribed Singulair and that seems to be keeping him fairly healthy. We've kept him mostly lactose free, but with the decrease in mucus from allergens, he has not been as sick. Mr. Brawn was found to be "completely average" by the school AND by the Autism specialist in Phoenix. The Autism specialist told me, "this child is not autistic, this child is the result of major neglect." Tomorrow we go to the Foster Care Review Board. It is a chance to speak to a panel who act as the eyes and ears of the judge. I am nervous, but also excited to see how all of this works.

Update on our boys

In January the boys began having regular parental and sibling visits. We've noticed some behaviors that have come about because of this. This is normal for foster children, they are often angry and confused.
We have been told that this is because they are wondering "why can't I go home? "why won't my family take me with them?" "If I am naughty enough maybe they'll send me home" "I like these people I live with, but now I'm betraying my family so I need to act out"
We have been struggling to keep The Monkey healthy. He has had diarrhea since he came to us. We suspect lactose intolerance along with other allergies. Last week while changing his diaper Daryl was shot with some type of acidic liquid coming from his rectum. We were fitted into the schedule of the local allergy doctor within 48 hours. We are currently collecting stool samples, and he has been to the phlebotomist to have blood taken once. The blood test order was to test everything that he could be allergic to. The doctor said it would take 2 or 3 trips to collect enough blood to test it all. While we are testing we are also keeping him completely free of any and all dairy products, even butter flavored cookies and cheese flavored crackers.
We've also been very concerned about Mr. Brawn. His outbursts have become better controlled. He's been tested by the local school district for autism. We will meet with them later this month to find out their recommendations. If they recommend an Individualized Education Plan they will write one and then he will be enrolled in a developmental preschool. We will also be taking him to a developmental pediatrician later this month for a medical diagnosis. Hopefully with some answers we can give him more help.
Our daughter is completely in love with her brothers. I am not sure what she will do when they are no longer in our household.

Our first kiddos

**Aliases have been given in order to keep kids safe**

We were officially licensed as of 11/10/10. We received 2 calls, both did not pan out, before November 30Th. On November 30Th around 11AM we received a call asking if we would accept 2 boys, ages 1 and 3. The 3 year old was currently in the hospital, he had been in a car accident. Of course we said yes. Then we waited....


Nowadays foster families are called "resource families", and each resource family with available beds is called to find out if they would be willing to take a placement. After each family has been called, CPS makes the final decision.


CPS chose us. We were called by CPS around 1:00 stating that there may be some grandparents willing to take the children but to be ready just in case. The 3 year old was now out of the hospital and they were at the CPS office. At 2 I was called and told that they were on the way.



Mr. Brawn was a mess when he got to us! The first night he opened the front door and ran out, was across the street before I could get to him! We had huge battles over no juice in a sippy cup (or milk, only water) for bed. He had no clue about potty training. The phrase he used most often was "Shut the F*ck up!" On the third night we had them he took his seat belt off and opened the car door as I was driving down the highway.



The Monkey was easier to deal with since he is so young. The behaviors have started cropping up now that we've had them for over a month. He did, however, have worms. And seems to be very allergic to something, but we haven't nailed down exactly what yet.

Both of our little guys will be extensively evaluated for learning disorders in the next couple of weeks. This is something that is frequently done with foster kids, however, initial pre-screens show that they are quite behind their peers. This is also very normal for "kiddos".

This is definetly a learn as you go process!

Our God is Ironic

I have not blogged recently. Life has been a bit hectic.
First we were mourning the loss of the twins. I will post pictures. We went to the ultrasound appointment in California on Thursday, November 18Th. The plan was to spend the night there, meet Justine (birth mom), see the ultrasound, and head home.
We did that, but it was not as expected.
On Thursday we met with Addie (birth grandma) in the morning. She told us that Justine had been to the doctor the day before and all looked well except that she was contracting nearly constantly and was dilated to 1 CM. We spend a large portion of the day at Justine's grandmother's house. She was on house arrest there.
We arrived at the appointment on time and sat in the waiting room and visited Isabelle had an instant bond with Justine and was talking her ear off. When it was Justine's turn they allowed Addie and me (Sara) to go in, but not Isabelle or Daryl. Justine promised Isabelle that she would bring her pictures of her brothers. She was 2 pounds heavier than the previous appointment. Then came the ultrasound, and there were no heartbeats.
We were stunned. I honestly feel that the doctor saw a chance to "allow" the babies to "expire" to avoid having more welfare babies. (He did not know that we were adopting them.) Justine was devastated. The doctors did not take any immediate action. For the rest of the day I watched as her hand would start to rest on her abdomen and then a look of realization would come over her face and she would begin to cry.
When we walked out of the room, Daryl and Isabelle were waiting for us. Isabelle immediately asked "Where's my pictures of my brothers?" Justine couldn't handle it and went outside while I sat down and tried to explain to Isabelle that the babies had died.When we went outside Isabelle went up to Justine and said "See my brothers are here!" and touched her belly.
We decided to go to St. John's Hospital for a second opinion, but Addie told us it would be best to head home, so we did. On the way home, I cried a lot. At one point Isabelle woke up and said, "Mommy, I'm sad that my brothers died." I said, "I am too." She said, "Do all brothers and sisters die?"
We spent most of the weekend holed up in our house. I know that to most people it may seem silly to mourn a pregnancy that was ours only in verbal agreement, but it is very real. On Saturday we were sent pictures of the boys by text message. The boys had tangled their umbilical cords and cut off the blood flow. Daryl attempted to go to work, but was sent home on Saturday evening for the remainder of his shift.
We became a licensed foster family on November 10Th. While we were at the ultrasound appointment we received our first call for a potential foster placement, but turned it down. We were just starting to get adjusted when we got a phone call about two boys, ages 1 and 3, who needed a placement. It is so funny that God had us preparing for a 2 little boys all this time, and even though it didn't happen the way we thought that it would, He had it perfectly orchestrated.