Permanency Hearing/Report and Review

Last Wednesday we had MrMonkey's first permanency hearing and MrBrawn's Report and Review. At this time the judge reviews what the Foster Care Review Board has presented to him; along with everything that is presented that day. The Foster Care Review Board had recommended severance and adoption, rather than reunification.

Court is an interesting thing. The children are present. They have all sets of parents present, along with a bunch of grown-ups that they are comfortable with. They spend a good deal of time running from parent to parent, and from one adult to the next. It is quite crazy!

CPS presented the fact that both parents have been working a case plan for over a year. They still have no home, no jobs, no vehicle, and the father has not completed parenting classes, despite being enrolled three times. CPS also presented individual finds for each parent. An interview with the father's probation officer revealed that he is believed to be an unlikely candidate for successful completion of probation and of substance abuse counseling. Mother was given a psychological evaluation and there are some "points of concern" but the caseworker did not go into detail.

Then it was time for "others" to speak. The parents' attorneys spoke first. The mother's attorney stated that she had been turning in several applications around town, at Cracker Barrel, Family Dollar, and Hastings, and had picked up divorce papers while she was at the courthouse. The father's attorney stated that he is scheduled to begin substance abuse therapy and also parenting classes and he is eager to show that he can be a good parent.

The judge then asked for input from the Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA), her supervisor, their mental health counselor, and me. All of them basically said It looks like they are not going to get their act together, and they are in danger of losing their children". Of course, I have no authority to make those types of remarks so I spoke briefly about the children; I told the judge that they are no longer lactose intolerant which is great, their behavior has improved, and they are wonderful children to have around.

All of this took less than 30 minutes. The judge ordered a concurrent case plan, which means CPS now officially has been told to work towards reunifaction with the parents and severance from the parents and adoption.

Protocol states that CPS must try to place the children with a biological family member before putting them up for adoption, so CPS is currently doing a background check and home study on a family member. Rumor has it that this family member is the last chance as the serverance plan has been started for their older half brother, who has been in care for over a year,and more than 14 family members were background checked and none were approved.

MrBrawn had some pretty crazy behavior for the two days after court. Even today, 4 days later, he asked me if I was going to "keep him at this house forever". I will be calling the mental health counselor in the next couple of days for some advice.

"God was on this!"

My big kids are in a stage of circles and x's. If we like it, we circle it, if we don't we x it. They're sitting at the table doing some coloring and activity books. Mr Brawn just yelled "Mama come look!" When I get to him he's pointing at the word "two" written in dashes in order to trace it. He pointed at the T and says "God was on this."
I didn't understand, so I said "It's OK, you can write on it." (I thought he wasn't sure what to do).
He said, more emphatically, "No, Mommy, God was on THIS." and pointed to the T.
Then I saw it, a lower case T looks like a cross.
I said "Oh, yes, Jesus was put on the cross."
He jumps in and says "Yeah, those mean guys put him there and he was stuck."
"And then what happened?" I asked.
"He died"
"And then?"
"And then, and then, Him comed back ALIVE!!"
...As I walked away to get a baby wipe I heard Ms Brains say, "we should x that, cuz it was mean" and Mr Brawn say, "No we should circle it cuz he came alive"...

Ahhh, about fifteen minutes ago I was ready to sell all my kids on Ebay. And then My Heavenly Father decides to show me this.

What an interesting week...

On Thursday Mr. Brawn "ran away". He was found by a stranger walking on the rock by the church. He says that he was looking for red and black rocks. I can completely see that he would be absorbed in an activity that he would walk into and down the road.
Later that same evening he purposely disappeared. He hid in the playground area. When we found him I told him I'd looked for him and he said, "I answered you like this (very softly) 'I'm right here, I'm coming.'"
Needless to say, there will be more supervision for him.
On Saturday we added a puppy to our household. Mr Brawn is helpful with him, but not exceptionally interested in the pup. Mr Monkey is downright mean. He's dropped him, thrown him, and chased him. I also imagine that this is age appropriate for a 2 year old.
Sunday was Easter. The boys were happy to go to church, they have become quite comfortable there. We had a fundraiser breakfast for the missions team. When we walked into the Fellowship Hall Mr Monkey saw his Sunday School Teacher. He got my attention and using gestures to point her out exclaimed "Mommy, teacher, Mommy teacher!"
We had an excellent breakfast and then told the kids it was time to go to the nursery. Mr Monkey joyfully sang out "JESUS!" and then ran ahead of us the whole way there.
It warms my heart to see such growth. I've also noticed that Mr Brawn is getting very vocal with his prayers. He talks about everything that is important in his life at that very moment. This evening as he prayed for dinner he mentioned allowing him to go to the Library for his visit. [Tomorrow is another scheduled parent visit] Tonight he told Jesus about making good choices keeping him from getting time outs.
What wonderful growth! This child was dropping the F*bomb every third word when he came to us.

Sunday evening Hubby and I had quite a discussion. I have noticed that he has distanced himself from family activities. I confronted him about it and, in a lot more words, he told me that he resents the boys because they use up time and resources that he could be spending on our biological daughter. He feels that we bought this house and took the pay cuts BECAUSE of them. He resents that there are behavior issues. He resents not being able to discipline in a way that is proven with our biological child. He is sad because we only have one biological child.
Personally, I think that God has guided each footstep, though it is hard to remember in the midst of hard times. We are having a hard time getting the house in the condition that we desire it to be in. I'm having a hard time getting things unpacked. But, my health is already improving. I suppose it will only be time that will show us what is in store.

Angry kid?

The boys came home from their parent visit today as usual. I was saying goodbye to their transportation driver and making sure Mr Monkey was out of the way when Ms. Brains came running to me. "Mommy, come and see!"

As I rounded the corner I saw Mr. Brawn spreading sand on top of sand in the courtyard. I asked what was going on. Ms. Brains proceeded to tell me the "He pooped on the yard." I asked if it was true and he ran to the other side of the yard. I bravely edged the sand aside with my flip-flop.... yep, there was fresh doo-doo in the sand.

I asked him what in the world he was thinking. He told me he had to go. I told him that didn't make sense since the front door was standing wide open and he normally just goes in to go by himself. He could not give me an answer, even later this evening.

The only thing I can come up with is that he is angry. He could be angry at a lot of things, me, his parents, the situation, preschool, etc. and since he doesn't have a lot of vocabulary to talk about it, he shows it.

FCRB

We had our first experience with a Foster Care Review Board this week. It was interesting. Everyone that has something to do with the case sits around a table with a panel of people representing the judge. This panel is considered "the judge's eyes and ears". Unfortunately, the CPS case manager was not able to attend because of overbooking; and the Bio Mom was also not in attendance. Bio Mom told me that she did not know of the meeting. Things discussed were the kids' progress, and if parents were following the case plan. No one was there to talk about the parent's case plan. We talked about the health issues that we faced with Mr. Monkey when he first came into our home and his progress since the allergy testing. We also talked about the developmental delays that Mr. Brawn had when he came into care and his substantial progress. Mr. Brawn loves to show off his knowledge. He is also working hard to be completely potty trained. He is so proud to wear Big Boy Underwear! Of course, Mr. Monkey wants in on the action, so he has been trying, and even went poo-poo in the potty the other night! Tomorrow Mr. Brawn will undergo the skin-prick test. We decided that since Mr. Monkey has so many environmental allergy triggers we should see what how his brother tests. We've also got Mr. Brawn signed up for Head Start beginning in the fall. Currently he is attending a preschool program at a local daycare and is excelling. Mr. Monkey was moved up into the 2 Year Old class this week, since he is now a Big 2. His teacher told me yesterday that she is impressed because he is able to count to 10 and is so articulate. It's a funny thing about kids, give them some stability, and they will sure grow!

Tomorrow is the Foster Care Review Board

Well, The Monkey has been tested. On a scale of 1-4, 4 being the worst, he is #1 allergic to about 15 environmental things, including mold, grass, trees, and nearly all animals. Because of this he has been prescribed Singulair and that seems to be keeping him fairly healthy. We've kept him mostly lactose free, but with the decrease in mucus from allergens, he has not been as sick. Mr. Brawn was found to be "completely average" by the school AND by the Autism specialist in Phoenix. The Autism specialist told me, "this child is not autistic, this child is the result of major neglect." Tomorrow we go to the Foster Care Review Board. It is a chance to speak to a panel who act as the eyes and ears of the judge. I am nervous, but also excited to see how all of this works.

Update on our boys

In January the boys began having regular parental and sibling visits. We've noticed some behaviors that have come about because of this. This is normal for foster children, they are often angry and confused.
We have been told that this is because they are wondering "why can't I go home? "why won't my family take me with them?" "If I am naughty enough maybe they'll send me home" "I like these people I live with, but now I'm betraying my family so I need to act out"
We have been struggling to keep The Monkey healthy. He has had diarrhea since he came to us. We suspect lactose intolerance along with other allergies. Last week while changing his diaper Daryl was shot with some type of acidic liquid coming from his rectum. We were fitted into the schedule of the local allergy doctor within 48 hours. We are currently collecting stool samples, and he has been to the phlebotomist to have blood taken once. The blood test order was to test everything that he could be allergic to. The doctor said it would take 2 or 3 trips to collect enough blood to test it all. While we are testing we are also keeping him completely free of any and all dairy products, even butter flavored cookies and cheese flavored crackers.
We've also been very concerned about Mr. Brawn. His outbursts have become better controlled. He's been tested by the local school district for autism. We will meet with them later this month to find out their recommendations. If they recommend an Individualized Education Plan they will write one and then he will be enrolled in a developmental preschool. We will also be taking him to a developmental pediatrician later this month for a medical diagnosis. Hopefully with some answers we can give him more help.
Our daughter is completely in love with her brothers. I am not sure what she will do when they are no longer in our household.